Hi, everyone. I'm obviously not Patti. She was my mother. Actually, she was my first mother. I was adopted, and am deeply saddened never to have had the chance to know her. The picture in the profile for this, her page, is a side-by-side of the two of us. I resemble her far more than I do my birthfather.

Patti died in 2018. I found and reached out to her in 1989. She threw my letter into the trash and ran out of the house crying, "You don't know what I went through! You don't know what I went through!" Her mother, Mary, my grandmother, told me over the phone that Patti was too traumatized by the events of 1963-64 to face reunion. I've grieved so much for the suffering she felt all her life. Society was very different back then. Today it's much easier & more acceptable, although never easy, to be a single mother.

Patti wrote a card to my birthfather during her time in the maternity home that implied she had lost all her friends.

I have learned about an era in adoption history called "The Baby Scoop Era", ~1945-1973. There are some excellent books written about this era. I learned it was common for unwed mothers to be considered neurotic, unfit to parent, immoral. That their babies were essentially stolen from them because they were forced to sign the Termination of Parental Rights under duress. Many weren't permitted to even leave the maternity home until they signed it. Many fought it, eventually caving in. I weep for what Patti went through.

She did write me one email when I was diagnosed with "chronic fatigue" of unknown etiology. The doctor encouraged me to write her to ask if she knew of any family medical history that could assist with the diagnosis. She was kind enough to write back to help. What an ethical human being she was, to write me when it had to have been difficult!

My grandmother had told me that Patti had rejected several marriage proposals and never had any other children. She was also an only child, meaning I was Ken & Mary's only grandchild. Patti did ultimately marry a reserved British painter and her letter to me made it seem she was happy with him. But she waited until till having more children was impossible. I can only imagine why.

Why am I sharing all of this? Well, for one, to remove the shame of my mother. How many young people were being sexy together but weren't caught by a pregnancy? My mother was hurt by society for "getting caught". She didn't deserve all that was put on her. She was very in love. My birthdad had told her he would marry her if she got pregnant. In the end, he fled, instead, leaving her unprotected against society. He married his wife only three months later!

I'm proud of Patti for what she made of herself after all that. She graduated from Fairleigh-Dickinson and had a successful career in the computer field. She sustained herself and her mother after my grandfather died in 1973. She was obviously an AMAZING woman! The one email she sent me (about the medical history) reflected a brilliant, funny, deeply insightful independent thinker. I was amazed to be related to her genetically. How I would LOVE to have known her!

Patti deserves great honor for withstanding the enormity of suffering she underwent and for making something incredible of herself. At the time, women could be schoolteachers, secretaries, or nurses. But she was in computers! (I'm not sure specifically doing what.) She was a strong, strong woman, buffeted but surviving all life had thrown at her at a tender phase of life.

I bought a copy of the 1963 "Chrysalis" and love the senior picture of her in there. I see she was also in Choir, Tri-Hi-Y, and the yearbook committee. Because I never knew her, I can't make out which face in the group pictures is hers.

I'm wondering if anyone here might be willing to correspond with me, or I could send the digitized pictures through DropBox or Google Drive, and if you would be willing to circle the one that is Patti for me?

If anyone has memories of Patti, I would so dearly appreciate hearing anything about her that you would be willing to share with me. I have no siblings through her, and all her 1st cousins have died. Mary told me she loved Bach and Beethoven. Ironically, I became a professional classical pianist and these are my heroes! I probably heard their music while she carried me.

Thank you so much for reading this. I so long to know more about Patti. Mary spoke with me only once, to explain why the rejection of reunion. I really want to know my deceased mother through you! Do any of you have any memories to share? Or, just any general adjectives to describe what she was like? What North Arlington was like at that time? I live in Vernon, but my hubby & I may be moving away soon as he has lost his job. We drove to N. Arlington and ate at the diner there, imagining her being there years prior. I would love to meet w/any of you who knew her and are local if you have a few minutes to spare.

Also, my loving late adoptive parents were in full support of my finding my birthparents. When I was a teenager, they sat me down in our living room and told me, "Cher, we want you to know that if you ever want to find your birthparents, we support you 100%, and if you decide you would like our help, we want to help you." They did follow through because I did meet my birthfather, and they did, as well. I told them before I actually searched that I would never do so without their blessing because they were my beloved Mom & Dad.

Thank you so much and God bless you! I hope you're doing well and wish you a Happy New Year.

Sincerely,
Cherwyn