John Bigler

Skyline High School

Class of 1986

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First Name	John
Last Name	Bigler
Graduation Year	Class of 1986
Gender	Male
Hometown	Salt Lake City, Utah
Relationship Status	Single
About Me	This is where you don't reveal too much about oneself on a place like facebook for the whole stinkin world to read, especially when potential or not potential employer's look applicants up on Facebook, among other people who you don't want getting into your business. It is a handy tool, however, to find friends you thought were lost, since no one lists themselves in the phone book anymore. I was born in 1966 at the Holy Cross hospital in Salt Lake and nearly died from my lungs being full of fluid and to be put in an incubator until it finally got absorbed. My Father was from Salt Lake most of his growing up and graduated high school from Granite High, then went on to the U of U and graduated with a bachelors degree in business and then took a few different jobs (one at Kennecot Copper) and a couple in Utah County (Orem & Provo) in accounting, but he hates being tied to an office ALL day doing boring work like that, so he decided to work in the insurance industry, first at New York Life and later going into it on his own as a General Agent who can sell different products from a list of different insurance companies, that way giving the customer the best product for their needs, always working with highly rated companies that most people don't know by name. He is about the last General Agent left in Utah who made a big success as one of the highest selling agents for 40 years (Louis B Bigler the third). Being the baby of a family of 4 kids I got to live in the Country CLub area of Salt Lake from about 2 to 17 years old, until my parents divorced after 25 years being kind of the polar opposite's in most critical ways in order to get along in a marriage. I then moved with my Mother being the last kid still living at home into a condo out where Granite High should have been my new high school being half-way through my Junior year, but instead I stayed at Highland High until graduation in my 18th year, and turning 18 just 12 days after the first day of class my Senior year (I was an example of what they put a stop to: an18 year old being 18 from the beginning of school). What if I had sex with a teacher? I would be an adult wouldn't I? I know the system would have come down hard on any teacher engaging in sexual activity with a student, but hey, it was the early 80's to mid 80'sthat I was in high school and we knew it to happen with a female teacher, but no one said anything and it didn't seem like a huge deal. Now it's a high-crime and you pay way over-and-above the price and have to list yourself as a sexual criminal, so the neighbors can leer at you. Uptight we are once again in time, when much of the country is pretty liberal. The right make's a huge deal about morality, but The People get incarcerated for what is a petty crime and we have such archaic laws that are hell-bent on ruining your life over such ridiculous charges as the idiot police see it, who are not too different from most of these poor people who get hung in the system and now have a record that they can't expunge if you have a few low-level 3rd degree felonies for forging prescriptions like I did (well, if the doctors hold-out on the good stuff till your half-way dead, people like me will take it upon oneself to do what should have been done 20 years ago). But in doing that I did commit a crime that there should be a punishment, but 3 strikes-and-your-out laws bumped my original misdemeanors into 3 3rd degree felonies and I was incarcerated for a total of 17 months between jail & prison all because PMS Judge Leslie Lewis violated my probation over not attending my 3 weekily AA meeting because I usually went to 2 (I hate AA), when of all things, I did every other condition perfectly--had a full-job, showed-up every month to check-in with AP&P and to pay my fine (never missed). Most probation officers would not violated a person doing so well, but the prick James Anderson (like l Leslie Lewis) expect perfection, take life too seriously and have not a sliver of empathy or sympathy, If I had not had them I never would have gone to prison and I would have completed probation easily. Now, with this type of record with a few misdemeanors your screwed in getting decent employment that we usually refer to as a career, is down the toilet with technology tattling the tale that we try to hide. Background checks and snooping even into our credit score's these nosy employer's WILL find the dirt if they just get online and stroke the keys a little bit; WE will find YOU! They really just want to charge a higher interest rate for the car your about to get pulled-over in. Police State, HELP!, HELP!, HELP!. Judge Judy doesn't put-up with poor couples who show-up in her court and have produced 4 children they can't afford. I agree, I didn't produce even one. Good thing! I don't live beyond my means. Grow-up poor America, it's time to be responsible adults when you live in a 1st rate country like we have; we should be so lucky. I'll just tell my tale, then you don't have to poke around online for what they allege I did. "I didn't do it officer". I went to California after graduating and had to fight off a 15 year-0ld trying to get me! I was 20 and thought like I was 30 so a 15 year-old seemed rather alarming to me, when everyone at the Safeway we worked at trying to coax me to go a-head; I held firm with the idea of being a creep if I did anything with this rather attractive Hawaiian girl who looked and acted older than this, which almost fooled me. I got engaged when I was 24 to a Wyoming girl who was my neighbor in an apartment building on 1200 E, not far from the U of U hospital where she was doing a Radiology program for 2 years to be a tech. I moved to Flagstaff, Arizona where she got a job when she got done. I worked at the Dollar-store, planning on starting college there until we engaged; but she already had a 4 year-old, and at the last minute wants to have a second by ME; this is where I planned the Great Escape and moved back to Salt Lake. I started the Community College the next year, after getting a job as a floral delivery driver. I actually worked nearly full-time and took the least amount of credit hours to still be considered a full-time student. This is when I started to collect and buy all the good books that I was reading instead of my school-work and all the ones I planned on reading in the future. A couple of liberal Professors turned me on to the good stuff. (the next part is out of order and I don't feel like correcting it). After leaving California about as soon as I got there when 21, I worked menial jobs, usually as some sort of delivery driver until I finally went to college in the mid-1990's to about 95' when my depression finally knocked me out of school, having battled it since I was 17; and it is a bad one. Turns out to be bipolar 1, where I didn't know that until I went into a psychosis at about 37-38 for a whole 2 solid years until an anti-psychotic finally worked and I've been fighting recurring bouts since then (now 47). I did well for about 5 years when I was jogging heavily, seeing my good doctor and simply taking Dexedrine (stimulant) because one stone killed 3 problem with me(all the ones that make me dysfunctional) that I've got it pretty well under control, but DEPRESSION is the MAIN feature of this wicked illness, and I hate that. I have to take stimulants (yes, AMPHETAMINES) to stay out of the doldrums, since antidepressants don't work; and God I TRIED them all. So now I'm at the end of trying useless anti-depressants they finally give me the good stuff. It can be minimized if psychiatrists and the medical community would pull their heads out of their asses and quit thinking that just because a patient gets a mild relief sometimes from one of these, it is NOT good enough! We're still mostly depressed. People just don't know what a success you can get if the prescribe r would not be so timid in adjusting to higher doses, because MOST doctors under-prescribe, where a higher dose may have worked for a while, until they fail, ultimately. Adderall may be used "off label" to treat depression. Amphetamines used to be used just for this problem, but now--good luck; they're stubborn in NOT using this, but it can be. You have to demand for it if your hopelessly depressed. DON"T TAKE IT anymore. Now I'm living on disability, but at least I bought a house at 28 and after 19 years of living in it, I finally sold it in 2012 with it nearly paid off and bought a condo in downtown Salt Lake on Broadway in the Broadway Towers Condominiums. Paid for in full from sweating over a house for 2 decades with a huge yard. Who said we all want big yards with every house! Well, now I don't. One benefit of Dexedrine (amphetamine) is that I quit drinking after the first day of taking it and didn't have a drink for 8 solid years. Now I drink here and there. I can take it or leave it on or off medication. It cured Alcoholism. Well, it did for me. That was a huge problem, but not anymore... It's this methamphetamine that people are so scared about a medication that is similar, but not nearly as super-charged as this illegal stuff that I never tried. Who wants to be sleepless for a whole week at-a-time and lose their teeth; for some mixtures of meth they use some kind of nasty chemical that sucks the calcium out of their teeth, before working on the bones. Meth is THE most destructive drug known to man. It ate away some of the brain-matter out of a kid who didn't use it all that long in an autopsy that was done. The prescribed amphetamines by a doctor would be also useful to ween these addicts off of this shit. One medication to pummel depression, quit drinking and fix my ADD is what I finally got after a long struggle trying things that just don't work. What a waste of the supposed "best years of oneself s life". I had to be persistent and on top of things to get to where I am today. This new beginning is sort of scary. I almost feel like working again... Jack Kerouac, Friedrich Netizche (spelling?), C.G. Jung, Henry Miller, James Joyce, Herman Hesse, Henry David Thoreau, Scott Peck, Thomas Mann, Carlos Castaneda, Alan Watts, John Steinbeck, Jim Morrison are just a few of the authors and poet that kept me infatuated with reading their stuff and more. I spent about 5 years with my nose in these books just as often as I could (which was a lot). Now, if someone with some influence would read this and do something with psychiatry (like re-arrange it so people could get saved like what I achieved with medication, so many drunks could get sober [alcohol: another nasty drug that is quite expansive in its destruction on the body & brain]. My great doctor who started the Dexedrine said he had seen this same side-effect (sobriety) in other patience he had treated and when I said, "Well, why don't they use it for a treatment to quit drinking". He just sighed because he was one of a dying breed that knows how to use psychiatry right,where he admitted that he thinks opposite of the majority the field. He died a few years ago as I sobbed (he was my doctor for good things,but by happen-chance I fortunately found a good replacement who was willing to keep my good regimen up with medications. The FDA is meddling in doctors that prescribe too much of this type of medication. So they all fall in line and don't treat like they should. They're stupid too. They believe the bunk that they're being taught by misinformed teachers... If your bipolar, the idiot doctors won't prescribe stimulants because they can spark a mania, but if you simply take an anti-psychotic like Geodon (no bad side effects like huge weight-gain like nearly most do to you), you can avoid this problem. I take 70mg of Vyvanse in the morning (24 hour release [a stimulant], 30 mg of Adderall (instant release) in the afternoon. At bedtime (or with dinner) 160mg of Geodon (great anti-psychotic), 250mg of Desipramine (antidepressant) and 2mg of Klonopin (once in the morning and once late afternoon [it's a Benzo), like Valium. This is the best of what I can do or take. I'm on the road to defeating mental illness (more like managing it) aloof to alcohol (addiction as opposed to a disease), and completing the tasks by 47, but I had a good 5 years or more before that on just Dexedrine until I went into a mania for 11 months, then a psychosis for 2 years straight and then disability. If not for my tolerance and persistence in getting treated I easily would have committed suicide or died on disability as an older man--withered and beaten to the end because the doctors won't put you on what works (while we suffer suicidal ideations with the newer kind which are the weakest, but do work for some people (not many) I ain't goin to rehab--I say no,no,no!. I went through 3 rehabs (all AA based) and I detest these programs. AA is weird. God based (or super-power). I don't give God credit when it was all me. I want to spread the news that mental illness doesn't have to be so unsuccessful and hard. But, leave it to U.S doctors to foul things up and be at the opposite end of the brain chemicals called neurotransmitters and teat people like me with SSRI's (Prozac) instead 0f Tricyclics or MAOI's. Nardil was best until it pooped-out after about a year. Under-dosing and under-prescribing is part of the problem. We need therapeutic doses! Not tepid or timid trial and error methods without reaching a therapeutic dose. This piece is for people or friends who suffer depression and letting them know most prescribers are not very good (especially at Valley Mental Health where all the poor Medicaid people go trovlemso because their contracted with the state to be the official mental health facility, where Medicaid patients have to go, unless you can afford a private psychiatrist (best path). Valley would not prescribe stimulants to me (of course) , so I have to got to a private psychiatrist. God, I wish I was a doctor, I would know what people need and it's not that hard. But I've been attuned to this sort of world for a long time, so it seems old hat to me. There are lots of stories I could tell in my personal life with my friends, because I'm so well known or more about getting hospitalized in the psyc wards and all the crazy stuff I did when in a delusional state or psychosis. Some of its pretty funny. But on the other end of things it caused me problems that cost some money spending my days chasing ghosts and me buying gadgets for my computer to keep these evil people away. It cost me my job, it made me isolate and cut-off friendships and so I handled most of it on my own. My family or anyone just can't understand the torment you are experiencing and feel helpless to help you. If people can't see your disability they question just how disabled you really are, I act normal all the time when I's suffering, just so I don't b...(read more)