Having perused the lackluster listings already up on this website, we need to start thinking very critically about what we're endeavoring to accomplish and who we're trying to attract. Kayhi alum from the class of 99, that much is obvious. But in terms of raw appeal, overall popularity, and sheer celebrity, who out of all our fellow graduates do we most desperately want to attend?
To find our answer, we shall create a list. Using our senior class yearbook as a guide, we must rank everyone, from the total zeros at the bottom all the way to the few shining, unblemished, almost God-tier figures at the very top. And then we contact everyone, in reverse order.
Except not everyone. We disinclude the single most incandescently messianic member of our graduating class from our electronic correspondence because that person will instead receive an immaculately-lettered and hand-delivered-via-white-glove invitation (along with both prepaid hotel accommodations and first class round trip airfare) to the reunion.
All the while, and unbeknownst to our Star, this person will basically be Jim Carrey, and the entire reunion will be a modern incantation of The Truman Show. As in that film, our Star will be covertly recorded at all times, from the moment they step foot on the island to the Big Reveal at the very end where they don't understand why literally everyone is going with them on the ferry back to the airport. All other reunion attendees, every single one, will be contributing members to this elaborate production. The footage will then be used as content for a YouTube channel which will hopefully go viral so that the proceeds might benefit The Sickly Salmon, a charitable organization set up for the survivors of our ten year reunion, which let's not forget was abjectly terrible.
All of this means that in addition to ranking our fellow graduates, we must also create a script. There won't be time for auditions, we'll just have to assign roles and hope for the best. I'm unclear on how to ensure that our Star remains blissfully unaware until the designated moment on the filming schedule of the Big Reveal, or which products to inconspicuously highlight from an advertising perspective throughout production to increase potential revenues on the back end. Suggestions are encouraged.
But who we end up marketing this YouTube channel to is already abundantly clear:
1. All the people who chose not to attend so they can see exactly what they missed out on, and
2. Mental health professionals in the home area of our Star for obvious reasons which will here remain nameless due to legal requirements in regard to maintaining plausible deniability.
Please submit your class rankings, script ideas, and character assignments ASAP!