Vincent Ross

Cimarron High School

Class of 1982

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Vincent Ross - Class of 1982 - Cimarron High School

First Name	Vincent
Last Name	Ross
Graduation Year	Class of 1982
Gender	Male
Hometown	Pineville, Missouri
About Me	By all accounts, I am a human being and offspring of the planet Earth... I therefore eat several times a day, and breathe often. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I am an enigma wrapped in bacon. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas for the viewing and listening pleasure of water-bears, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. At the age of 13, I circumcised myself and used the skin to make a canoe and 7 sling shots. I am he who loves all.. when I am in the mood. My hobbies include experiments into controlling the lotto numbers, and a successful attempt to breed dolphins and humans. I stay crunchy in milk and am part of a balanced breakfast. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. I am omnipotent, yet an apathetic underachiever. I come when I sneeze but never when called. I am the Alpha and the Noriega. I have received an award from the IRS on the beauty and prose of my tax returns. My spelling is unparallellelled. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants, even though I died in the effort. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On ThursdaysI repair electrical appliances free of charge. I have free-dived with a box-jellyfish and lived to tell the tale. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire, except on full moons. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. I have received numerous awards f...(read more)