Erin Goertzen

Boise High School

Class of 1995

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Erin Goertzen - Class of 1995 - Boise High School

First Name	Erin
Last Name	Goertzen
Graduation Year	Class of 1995
Gender	Female
Hometown	Boise, Idaho
Relationship Status	Single
About Me	6/22/2011 Adapt or die. As many times as we've heard it the lesson doesn't get easier. Problem is we're human. We want more than just to survive. We want Love. We want success. We wanna be the best that we can be. So we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death. 6/21/2011 Just when we think we have everything figured out the universe throws us a curve ball, so we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places, we find our way back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way, sometimes it just has a way of having us show up right where we belong Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve, it's life, loss, it's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad, the thing we have to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much that you can't breath, that's how you survive, but remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way, it won't hurt this much. Grief comes in it's own time for everyone, in it's own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes, and let it go when you can. The very worst part is that the minute you think your past it, it starts all over again. And always every time, it takes your breath away. According to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, when we are dying, or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all go through 5 distinct stages of grief. We go into denial, because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain, we beg, we plead. We offer up everything we have, we offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair. Until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can, we let go. We let go and move into acceptance... Sometimes the past is something you can't let go of, and sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget, and sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present ~ Day 27 Everyday we get to enjoy the gift of life. It can be painful it can be terrifying but in the end it's worth it every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are not as dramatic as what happens in others lives, maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology. Maybe it's to understand another person's point of view. Maybe it's to hold a secret for a friend. The joy supposedly is in the giving. So when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give til it hurts and then you give some more. ~ Day 27.5 We assume the really serious changes in our lives happen slowly, overtime, but it's not true. The big stuff happens in an instant. Becoming an adult becoming a parent. One minute you're not and the next you are. Sometimes you don't even know anything has changed. You think your still you and your life is still your life, but you wake up one day, look around, and you don't recognize anything, not anything at all. ~ Day 27.75 We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel and against common sense, but it works. We risk exposure, forsake feeling, and when it's over, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and you hope that you will heal, that you haven't in fact made everything worse ~ Day 28 Maybe the more we try and try to will ourselves to states of bliss the more confused we get...til the point that we don't recognize ourselves Instead we just keep smiling trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were...until eventually it hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams our hopes, but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar ~ Day 32 Lightning doesn't often strike twice it's a once in a life time thing, even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again, eventually the pain will go away. The shock will wear off and you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming and sometimes the odds are in your favor. If your in just the right place at just the right time you can take a hell of a hit and still have a shot at surviving ~ Day 33 The thing about addiction is it never ends well, because eventually whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Still they say you don't kick the habit til you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse. Day ~ 35.25 I've posted this before but the words are so powerful I had to post it again for good this time.... Did you say it? I love you, I don't ever want to live without you, you changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work towards it, but every now and then, look around, drink it in, cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow... Day ~ 35.5 Maybe we like the pain. Maybe were wired that way. Because without it, I don't know, maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." Day ~ 36 11/22/11 These are the things we beg for. A root canal, an I.R.S. audit, coffee spilled on our clothes. When the really terrible things happen, we start begging the god we don't believe in to bring back the little horrors, and take away this. It seems quaint now, doesn't it? The flood in the kitchen, the poison oak, the fight that leaves you shaking with rage. Would it have helped if we could see what else was coming? Would we have kn...(read more)